How many times have you said, I feel like… to describe your experience? If you’re like most of us, probably quite a few.
When you say "I feel like," you’re actually not talking about feelings at all, but instead you’re talking about what you think. If you replace the words, I feel like with I think you’re more accurately describing what’s happening, and as a result, you’re experienced as more credible.
Here are some examples:
I feel like you’re mad at me. I think you’re mad at me.
I feel like this isn’t working. I don’t think this is working.
I feel like you aren’t doing your job. I don’t think you’re doing your job well.
I feel like you’re undermining me. I think you’re undermining me.
I feel like you aren’t listening to me. I don’t think you’re listening to me.
As you can see, when you lead with I feel, you diminish your experience of the event by making it a feeling and not Your Truth. When you share what you’re thinking, you convey clarity and data about your truth.
If you’re trying to describe your emotions, then do that. Don’t hide it behind the word “like,” which isn’t a feeling. There are essentially 4 emotions and they are: mad, glad, sad, and scared. You can use different words to describe these feelings, but essentially all emotions can be traced back to one of these four.
If you’re trying to convey your emotions, replace the word “like” with one of the 4 emotions. Using the same sentences above, it would look like this:
I feel like you’re mad at me. I feel sad that you’re mad at me.
I feel like this isn’t working. I feel mad this isn’t working.
I feel like you aren’t doing your job. I feel mad that you aren’t doing your job.
I feel like you’re undermining me. I feel scared that you’re undermining me.
I feel like you aren’t listening to me. I feel mad that you aren’t listening to me.
I feel sad (or angry) that you’re mad at me, is a completely valid statement because you’re naming and owning the emotion that you’re trying to convey.
So, if you want to have more power in your day-to-day, stop using the words I feel like and instead use I think—or if you’re trying to convey an emotion instead of a thought, you can say, I feel mad, glad, sad, or scared, and make it a true statement of your emotion.
See what a difference this makes in your credibility and in your sense of yourself as having power!
Your coaches and allies,
Carpenter Smith Consulting
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