Let’s be honest, if your company (family, board, community organization) has more than one person, there will be messy conversations.

At any given moment, you’re likely balancing organizational goals, your own personal and professional goals, and the personal and professional goals of others. At the same time, everyone around you is navigating their own complex set of priorities as well.

With all of these competing goals, it’s no wonder conversations can turn messy and unproductive!

Whether you’re a seasoned CEO, soccer coach, new manager, employee, teacher, spouse, or kid, you’re not alone if you struggle with messy conversations. We do too!

Today, we want to support you in navigating these messy conversations.

So, we’re providing you some suggestions, using some steps from our Leader in You® Framework, of how you might show up for messy conversations, in any area of your life.

BEFORE THE CONVERSATION

Pause
Start with the end in mind. PAUSE and consider your goal for the conversation.

In addition, consider how you can remember to pause, in-the-moment, if you feel yourself getting reactive.

PAUSING can aid you in showing up at your best.

Reflect on Self
Ask yourself these questions:

  • What am I afraid of as I head into this conversation?
  • What do I do when I’m afraid?
  • What would I do if I felt safe?

Reflect on Others
Ask yourself these questions:

  • What might they be afraid of in this conversation?
  • What do they do when they’re afraid?
  • What do they do when they feel safe?
  • What could I do to increase their sense of safety?

DURING THE CONVERSATION

Influence Them & Own It
Take ownership and influence them about why you care about the topic of conversation.

Others are more likely to be engaged in the conversation with you if they have a sense of its importance.

Allow Them to Influence You
Once you’ve leaned in to influence them with your thoughts, suggestions, and/or feelings, then sit back and allow them to influence you with their best.

Possibility Mindset
As you’re influencing and being influenced by, continue to ask yourselves, “What’s possible?”

Look for the possibilities to come to an agreement, together.

Enable Action:
It’s important to end the conversation with an agreement about what was decided and whether any action is necessary.

If there are actions, clarify who will do what by when.

AFTER THE CONVERSATION

Review & Refine:
If this conversation has any action items, it’s important to setup a time to meet again.

In that meeting, you can review progress made, any new information, and any updates for moving forward.

We know that this planning may seem like work, and it is! Putting in the effort to prepare for messy conversations will serve you well in your relationships.

When you can show up
with compassion, curiosity, and respect
for yourself and others,
you’ll find that you have
more meaningful discussions
and create deeper relationships.

As you identify an important and/or potentially messy conversation on the horizon, consider some ways that you can prepare to show up at your best as well as supporting the other person to show up at their best.

Keep us posted on how it goes!

If you’d like support
navigating messy conversations,
contact us today.