Over the past couple of weeks, we’ve been reviewing the steps in our Leader in You® framework. As a reminder, the framework has three key steps: Pause, Reflect, and Act.

First, we talked about the importance of PAUSING as a way to decrease your reactivity, so that you can respond as the leader you want to be.

Then last week, we discussed the first part of our REFLECT step, which is to Reflect on Self, so that you can try and understand what’s going on inside of you.

Today, we’re reviewing the second part of our REFLECT step, which is to Reflect on Others, to help increase your understanding of them.

Reflecting on others helps you to
build empathy for their experience,
and consider possibilities for both of you
to move forward successfully.

REFLECT ON OTHERS

There are four questions we encourage you to ask yourself about the other person:

What are they afraid of in this situation?

In some cases, you may actually know the answer to this question and in other cases, you’ll be guessing. Guessing is good. It suggests you care enough to understand what may be going on in others.

Try to think about the person and what you know about them. What would they most likely be afraid of in this situation? What might be creating a sense of fear or threat in their brains?

Some common examples we’ve seen are:

  • A colleague fears that they may be seen as incompetent in their new role and worries about getting fired.
  • An executive that was asked by the CFO to cut their headcount is stressed about the fallout with the team.
  • A manager under the microscope from their boss to increase revenue becomes a micromanager to their own team.

What do they typically do when they feel that way?

This may also be a guess, but if it’s someone you have known for a while or worked with over time, you have a sense of what they do when stressed and afraid.

Again, try to think about the person and what you know about them. What do their reactions typically look like when they’re not at their best?

Some common examples we’ve seen are:

  • A team member talks over people and won’t consider any ideas from others.
  • A company’s president avoids messy conversations and opts out of difficult meetings.
  • A supervisor yells at staff and questions why they aren’t more productive.

What do they do when they feel safe and at their best?

This may be a guess as well, but if you have a history with the person or people, you may have noticed what they’re like when they’re influencing others and allowing themselves to be influenced by others.

What is the circumstance (topic, people, etc.) when you’ve noticed them being engaged and collaborative with one or more people?

Some common examples we’ve seen are:

  • People can be at their best when they don’t feel like they’re being blamed.
  • People can be at their best when they feel like you understand the pressure they have.
  • People can be at their best when they get a sense from you that you’re willing to work together to create success.

What can I do to help them feel safe and at their best?

As a leader, you want to consider how you might help people to feel safe, so that you can engage in productive conversation with them.

If they feel safe, you’re more likely to get them at their best.

Some common scripting examples of helping others to feel safe in conversations with you are:

  • I know you have quite a bit on your plate and I’m sure your intent wasn’t to be dismissive of me. Can we discuss both of our ideas again and talk about the benefits, concerns, and suggestions of each one? I have no doubt we can come up with a great solution together.
  • I appreciate that we’ve always had a good working relationship. Something feels “off” recently, and I thought I’d check in with you to see how you’re doing.
  • It seems like your new boss is leaning on you quite a bit and I wanted to see how I could be of support.

When people feel safe, and trust that they can bring their successes, challenges, and different opinions to the table, without fear of judgement, they’re more motivated, successful, and engaged.

We’ve created a PDF with REFLECT on Self and REFLECT on Others in one place. If you’d like to download or print it out, click the link below:

DOWNLOAD YOUR REFLECT PDF

This week, continue to PAUSE and REFLECT as you enter into conversations with your boss, your peers, your direct reports, and your loved ones.

This work can support you as you lead in your life and your world.

Next week, we’ll talk about the third step which is to Act with POWER. 

If you’d like support
adding REFLECTION to your days,
contact us today.