Last week, we talked about the importance of PAUSING as a way to decrease your reactivity, so that you can respond as the leader you want to be.

The PAUSE is the first step in our larger Leader in You® framework. As you can see below, this framework has three steps: Pause, Reflect, and Act.

This week, we’re talking about the second step in our Leader in You framework, which is to REFLECT.

With the REFLECT step, we’re encouraging you to look at what’s going on in you AND what may be going on in the other person(s).

First, we’ll look at Reflect on Self, and then next week, we’ll discuss what it looks like to Reflect on Others.

REFLECT ON SELF

There are three questions we encourage you to ask yourself when you notice that you’re becoming reactive:

What am I afraid of in this situation?

You can ask this before you go into the situation or to deepen your understanding when you’re feeling reactive in-the-moment.

Our brains are wired for fear which has historically kept us alive. And yet, it doesn’t always serve us!

Common answers we’ve heard in response to this question are:

  • I’m afraid that people will think I don’t deserve to be in the role.
  • I worry that I’ll look dumb or incompetent.
  • I fear that people are ignoring me and that my input doesn’t matter.

What do I typically do when I feel that?

This is a chance to consider what you know about yourself. When you become afraid, what does that look like?

We all typically have responses to fear that can vary based on the circumstances, but over time they can become a pattern.

Common answers we’ve heard in response to this question are:

  • I get louder and railroad other people’s input.
  • I sit back and don’t bother to share my thoughts.
  • I keep busy, over-function, and/or micromanage everyone around me.

What would I do if I felt safe?

After reflecting on how you typically handle your fear, contrast that with how you show up when you feel safe and at your best. They’re often quite different.

What does it look like when you’re in great conversations where you’re influencing others and allowing others to influence you?

Common answers we’ve heard in response to this question are:

  • I actively listen while others provide their input so that I can understand their point of view without becoming defensive.
  • I try to see if there is a way to create a new idea that builds on input from multiple people.
  • I lean in and make sure to share my thoughts during the conversation and remain present as others share their thoughts.

As a leader,
it’s important to navigate your fear
so that you can show up at your best.

This week, play with these questions to help you understand your reactivity, and let us know what you come up with.

Next week, we’ll talk about how to REFLECT ON OTHERS, to help increase your understanding of them.

If you’d like support
adding REFLECTION to your days,
contact us today.