What to Do with Those Negative Neils & Nellies!

One of the things many of our clients struggle with is how to get the most out of the negative people in their lives. Those people who are quick to see what’s wrong, or to resist a new idea, or who focus on all the potential “disastrous” consequences of a decision. Almost all of us have one or two in our lives and they can make moving an initiative forward challenging, unless you have the ability to tap into the…

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Change 2 Words to Change Your Impact!

How many times have you said, I feel like… to describe your experience? If you’re like most of us, probably quite a few.  When you say "I feel like," you’re actually not talking about feelings at all, but instead you’re talking about what you think. If you replace the words, I feel like with I think you’re more accurately describing what’s happening, and as a result, you’re experienced as more credible. Here are some examples: I feel like you’re mad at…

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best communication

Your Best Communication

Everything is a communication… everything. — Carpenter Smith Consulting One of the things we see over and over again is that clients assume that what they say is the key to communication, and they don’t think about what their behavior is communicating. Fact: people respond to everything you do as a communication. Your behavior may be significantly influencing how other people see you and judge your success.  We work with a client named Jim, who by all rights is a highly…

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… No Action

One of the things clients often complain about is that after an engaged and seemingly positive discussion, nothing will happen. Sometimes they are describing a great meeting at work and sometimes they are describing a conversation with a spouse or kid. In all cases, they are baffled that they can participate in this great discussion that seems to have identified some clear next steps, and then leave it only to have nothing happen. Here are 5 things you can do…

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Ask For Help

Many of our clients find it incredibly hard to ask for help from others. Some believe it’s a sign of weakness, others worry they will get in trouble, and still others have gotten rewarded for their independence so know of no other way. Yet in this current climate where life is fast, complex, and ever-changing, the ability to ask for help from others becomes increasingly important to your success and the success of your teams and organizations. So, what are…

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Do You Have an ARF?

We had one of the funniest conversations we have ever had this week. We were in a meeting with a talented and powerful leader, Sharon, talking about moving forward on some challenging initiatives. In that discussion, we talked about the fact that during challenging times it’s important to stay connected with your colleagues so that things are not misinterpreted, especially since things are moving fast. In the middle of the conversation Sharon said, “Oh yeah, I really have to do…

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What If I Miss The People Stuff?

Over the past 5 weeks, we have been talking about Daniel Goleman’s four components of Emotional Intelligence and how to translate each into action. We have gotten wonderful comments and questions in response to the posts—thank you. One question in particular called for an answer and that question is: “What if I just miss the people stuff?” A number of you commented that, while you really appreciate Goleman’s work and our tips about how to implement that work, you still…

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Learn How Relationship Skills Drive Success

This is the final week in our series on operationalizing emotional intelligence. It started in April when we shared the four traits that Daniel Goleman found are essential to emotional intelligence. Each week since then, we’ve been coaching you on how to translate the ideas of emotional intelligence into actual behaviors and practices. If you missed any of the posts they can be found on our website. Goleman’s four traits make sense intellectually and are important to leadership but many…

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Empathy: Why You Need It to Succeed

A couple of weeks ago, we shared the four traits that Daniel Goleman found are essential to emotional intelligence. Each week since then, we’ve been coaching you on how to translate the ideas of emotional intelligence into actual behaviors and practices. Many people have told us that Goleman’s four traits make sense and are important but then they get stuck trying to figure out what they actually need to do to succeed. So to help you move from theory to…

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Emotional Intelligence

In the NY Times last week, there was an article that included Daniel Goleman’s list of the 4 traits that he believes are essential to Emotional Intelligence. They included: Self-Awareness Realistic self-confidence: You understand your own strengths and limitations; you operate from competence and know when to rely on someone else on the team. Emotional insight: You understand your feelings. Being aware of what makes you angry, for instance, can help you manage that anger. Self-Management Resilience: You stay calm…

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